My head swells with things to say. The point of this blog is to generall rant in to open space. I'm not planning on filling any of my friends in on this page.
So here I go.

I'm unhappy, (imagine that, a guy on the internet who is unhappy ) I sit here listening to the songs of past instilling previous emotional responses I once felt towards certain times in my life. Most make me happy with all I have done, but it fills me with notice of everything being in the past tense. I am not progressing in any sort of positive angle.

You know in the cartoons when there is that small lil raincloud just over the person and it follows him wherever he goes? It's like that for me, except the rain is everywhere. The people where I have just moved to are desolate, they see no future or vision. They remind me of myself in a way. That scares me to death. I cannot give in to the local negative social mentality. It's not that I think I am better than them. I just know there is more for me, and it's not here.

In all the thoughts crossing my mind I feel 50 years old. So many memories. I feel like I have lived for twice my age. It's a good feeling in a way, but also makes me feel damn old. heh

I am tired of being a jaded, bitter man. For years I have *perfected* being the biggest prick to others that i could be. I used to relish in the sadness I brought unto others. It's just old to me, I feel a new page slowly flipping over. a great change to instill happiness and joy in to more people's lives. It's associative to being right on the tip of my tongue. Ready to unleash itself on the world.

Now as always, a guys gotta gripe a bit about women. heh but for me not in the usual way. I'm happy being single. I know there are benefits to both sides of that situation. I just wish I could meet a girl to have an actual conversation with. Face to face. The women in this town that I have been *introduced* to have only seemed to really enjoy talking about getting drunk and having sex. While I am certainly not the type of person who would say no to either of those things timing pending, it doesn't consume my existense. I'm not interested in going out and getting right smashed everynight and taking home a different gal. I did that it had it's purpose and it's long been packed on the shelf of things I have done. Even then though, I certainly didn't talk about it all the bloody time to every person I met.

Oh great another fun fact about me. When I meet these new and mundane women they always compliment me on my eyes. Like 90% of the time, and in every relationship I have ever had the ladies have commented on them.. So my question is, is that I got going for me?? hehehe sure compliments are all fine and dandy don't get me wrong, but c'mon just the eye's? It makes me think I am going to eventually meet some woman and she's going to gouge them out and take them. So they are either that special, or they're all I got.

Well I think this is a good start. I'll rant more at another time.

-jab